Taco Tuesday

I don't know where he heard it, but Aidan asked me what "taco tuesday" meant. So I explained it's very simplistic definition.

It's a tuesday when you eat tacos.

Of course he loved the idea and asked if we could have Taco Tuesday this week, and I agreed. however, I forgot that we had a photo session in the city around dinnertime, and of course didn't have any of the makings for tacos in the kitchen...at all.

And Aidan had not forgotten it was Taco Tuesday, even if Mommy did. (Damn that Disney Junior for announcing what day of the week it was!!!)

Ryan was meeting me at the park for the session to take the boys off my hands while I worked...the park we were shooting at happens to be across the street from his hospital. I asked him if he wanted to grab tacos afterward, and he asked some of his buddies for a good spot for tacos, and we ended up going someplace in Rice Village. 

Aidan chillin with the iPad while Mommy works.

However, we got there and while they had amazing tacos that adults would eat, they had zero ground beef style tacos for Aidan and Mason. Plus, on the kids menu they had some sort of peanut butter and banana burrito thingy. That automatically means we don't eat there because the risk of cross contamination with the kids food and that damn peanut butter is way too high for my liking.

So we walked across the street to this british pub place that Ryan has been to before, and grabbed some Pub Fare instead. Aidan didn't complain because he got his chips and guacamole...that makes him happy. And he had calamari for his dinner. My kids love calamari!

I had a summer Saint Arnold beer with fish n chips, so Mommy was happy too!

And that my friends, is how Taco Tuesday turn dingo Pub Fare Tuesday. Perhaps next week I'll make Taco Tuesday work!

Swimming Lessons

When we joined our new gym we were told that one of the sign-on incentives was a month of free swim lessons for each child. The sales rep then also told us we had an allotment of "lifetime bucks" that you could spend on anything at the gym so we decided to use those for a second month of lessons. 2 months of swim lessons for free? We'll take it!

Mason heading off with his teacher

Aidan heading off with his teacher

At one point during their first lessons, about halfway through, I noticed Aidan was crying so I went over, but he couldn't explain to me what the problem was. The teacher thought maybe he had gotten splashed or was scared of something. I wasn't overly concerned, but he managed to shake it off and finish out his class, which I was proud of.

Mason of course loved every minute of it.

They've only had a few lessons so far, but Aidan is progressing very nicely and his teacher tells me after each class he's doing great. (I even caught Mason making these hysterical big scoop swimming strokes while in the pool at Disney...so something must clicking from class!)

During their second week of classes Mason decided to get out of the pool and come to me asking to use the potty, so we did. He then refused to go back in the pool. It was our last lesson before heading to Disney and I knew he was going to miss the next two classes so I was slightly worried that this was a bad sign. I was worried that after 2 weeks off he definitely wouldn't get back in the water....but he proved me wrong and this week the boys went back and both did a great job! Mason's teacher even said he followed all instructions and she was proud of him.

Mason pouting during the second week of class....refusing to go back in the pool!

We'll have to decide when our free lessons are up whether or not we want to pay for them because they are a bit pricey at this gym. I like the idea of the boys being able to swim though, to sort of put my mind at ease. I guess only time will tell.

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

I find myself having "shoulda, coulda, woulda" moments lately thinking about my Dad.

I'm sure everyone who has lost a loved one has moments like these, and I've tried for months just to not think about it. Some days I can't keep the thoughts back and it's overwhelming.

There are so many things I wish I would have just said to him when we found out he was sick. We knew he was dying, yet I couldn't allow myself to tell him the things I wanted to say. It was as if by saying all these things it made it more final, you know?

My way of dealing with it was probably not the best. I feel like I just tried to push all the scariness and truth away and hide from it. It scared me to see Dad sick, it scared me to think about life without him, and I just froze.

I didn't say all the things I should have. I said "I Love you", but I feel like that just wasn't enough.

 I feel like I should have told him thank you for being an amazing Dad, for teaching me so many things. From cooking to tools, he taught me all. He never missed a choir performance/musical/awards banquet. He would drive all the way up to SLU for every Laurentians concert and every Radio Bob Band gig. He had patience when I had none with my kids. He would always laugh when I was frustrated and say "by the time Mason is 6, they'll slow down, just hang in there". HE was always there to help out ion PA when I needed a babysitter but couldn't find one. He would drive to PA just to watch the boys when Ryan and I had to work the same weekend. He never missed a birthday party or Holiday in PA.

I just wish I had had the courage to tell him thank you for all this while he was still here. I was a coward, I was scared and I was trying not to face the reality of the situation.

I find myself thinking about him so much lately with all the new and exciting stuff going on in our lives. He was always the first person I would call to talk to or to share a funny Aidan/Mason story. My brother and I have both said for the longest time we both would still have the quickest flash of an urge to call Dad when something happened. So we call each other now instead. 

I know time heals all wounds, but I know the idea of not having my dad around will never get easier. I just hope that as time goes on (it has only been 5 months after all) that the unsuspecting bouts of missing Dad so bad it hurts will ease up.

Belgian Beauty Ct, Houston

See the little heart? That's where we are :)

When we decided to stay in Houston we figured we would wait a few months before actually buying a house. We decided to look around a bit and see what was out there just so we would know, but never imagined buying a home as quickly as we did. There are so many surrounding suburbs and towns that we weren't even sure where we wanted to end up. Initially we thought we would just stay in Pearland!

While searching online we were brought up to the NE part of Houston where Lake Houston is (45 mins or so from our apartment in Pearland at the time). The homes we were looking at were what I consider a can of sardine homes would appear like. They are extremely close to the neighbors homes, with very small yards; and what we were looking at were homes with a water view so that we wouldn't have our back fence touching someone else's back fence. We looked at a few homes with our realtor, then later that day we stopped at a few of the Builders offices to check out what they had to offer. I did NOT want to build, but Ryan was willing to entertain the idea.

After we did all that we were driving down the main road and saw a very wooded development that seemed much more private than the other neighborhoods we had looked in, so we decided to swing through on our way out of town.

We.

Were.

In.

Heaven.

Each home rests on 3/4 acre (about 3 times more land than the other homes we looked at.)

We wrote down the addresses of the few that were for sale in the development and gave them to our realtor. She had us up and checking them out the very next day. (She's good like that).

We looked at 3 homes in the development, and I asked to visit the one on Belgian Beauty Ct one more time, because something about it just drew me to it.

We walked out of 14610 Belgian Beauty Ct for the second time, and looked at our bewildered realtor and said "this is it, we're done looking".

She was completely taken aback, as we'd only spent 2 actual days house hunting.

You know the right home when you walk into it. 

This was the one.

We've had lots of people in and out getting stuff set up for us the last few weeks. Blinds, plantation shutters, security system, fencing for the backyard, pest control and electricians. I was extremely grateful that the blinds finally got installed so the living room didn't look like this anymore:

We've been having problems with one breaker in the kitchen that keeps blowing, and the electrician can't find anything wrong with it....so we'll see what comes of that. Luckily since our home is brand new, it is completely under warranty for a year, so when we have issues like that we call the builder and they send someone to take care of it.

Except for the time a shot glass fell in the disposal and I didn't know it. I turned the disposal on and broke the glass, causing the disposal to jam. That was a $240 bill from Roto-Rooter. Yikes....lesson learned!!! Keep small glasses out of the disposal side of the sink!!

Now I struggle with the elements of new-ness and fresh places to explore/get into trouble with in the department of the boys. Have you seen how many things they've thrown off the balcony upstairs that leads down to the front door, and the stairs as well?

They continue to make messes for me and keep me on my toes. They've flooded their bathroom upstairs once, and attempted to mess around with the water again when Daddy busted them. 

I never realized how quickly hardwood floors get dusty/dirty. Even though the 2 front rooms (office and formal dining room) are empty, minus my iMac desk, the dirt just keeps accumulating. 

I'm constantly wiping down multiple urine covered bathrooms (thanks to 2 little boys whose aim sucks), and doing laundry since we've been playing outside so much.

And I wouldn't trade any of it.

I'll continue to sweep and swiffer my days away and wash dirty clothes from catching toads in the mud, and Mommy & Daddy's icky sticky clothes from being in the hot humidity outside playing with the boys.

I'm so thankful and grateful that we've found a great home to raise our boys in, and I'm so happy they are enjoying it all as well. 

Now, come visit us, Dammit!!!

Cheers!!!

The Final Graduation!!!

Ryan is finally done with "education". Ryan is finally an attending for good!! (Technically he's already been a general surgery attending since last June, but he is now a qualified critical care attending too!)

Congratulations to Ryan A. Lawless, MD, Trauma Surgeon.

(No, he does NOT work in the ER....!!) ;)

I can't begin to tell you how many years this has been in the making.

Oh wait, yes I can!

Undergrad......4 years (St Lawrence University, Canton NY)

Medical school.......4 years (SUNY Upstate Med School, Syracuse NY/ Binghamton, NY)

General Surgery Residency.....5 years (Lehigh Valley Hospital, Allentown, PA)

Surgical Critical Care Fellowship.....1 year (Memorial Hermann Hospital, Houston, TX)

That's right folks, 14 YEARS of post high school education and Ryan is finally DONE!!!

And I've been there through it ALL. Yes, please pat me on the back and congratulate me too! I've had to put up with it all ;)

I can't find a pic from Ryan's SLU graduation though I know we have one somewhere...... but anyways:

Med School Graduation:

Residency Graduation:

Fellowship Graduation:

We survived it all!!

-The crazy frat years at SLU (oy vey Ryan)

-The crazy studying/exams/rotations in Med School

-The INSANE hours and schedule of residency (Did you know Ryan had to work the days both boys were born? And they were scheduled C-sections, not surprise labors? Yup, and he still had to work "hey, my wife's having a baby that day." "Aw, sorry, tough shit man, ya still gotta work".)

-The also insane hours of the Fellowship and stress of moving from PA to TX last summer, which definitely took its toll on us this past fall.

I often wonder how neither of us has lost their mind yet...Ryan, with working insane schedules, and me, dealing with the kids/house/work by myself 90% of the time since they were born.

Yet here we are.

In our dream home.

Putting down roots in Houston, TX...a place we've grown to love.

Ryan starting as a partner in the practice July 1 (on paper anyway...we leave for Disney for 8 days that day, heehee).

Me having the desire to meet people and start friendships now that I know we're staying where we are and I won't just have to say goodbye again!! (and LOVING our neighborhood and neighbors!!!)

At his Graduation Dinner he was presented with a really cool photo. It's of the life flight helicopter for his hospital. They are the only trauma center in the city with a helipad, so if you get airlifted, you'll be going to Memorial-Hermann. The matting is signed by co-workers and it's just such a cool sentiment!

Oh yeah and this pretty cool certificate as well!

I was going to bring my camera with me to the graduation dinner, but completely forgot it at home after I had Sam snap a pic of Ryan and I before we left, so I had to steal these from Deanna (who is going to be Ryan's secretary when he starts in July) from her Facebook page. Photo credit duly given!

Dr Cotton did a mini-"roast" of each graduate (there were 3)....and somehow our ugly christmas sweaters from around 2007/2008 made it into Ryan's. What?? Payback's a bitch, BC. Just saying.

Ryan, the 4 fellows (one graduates next year, not with these guys), and 2 of their attendings.

 Dr. James & Brittany are headed off to Phoenix, while Dr. Matt and his wife Mandy are also staying here in Houston (he's already a pediatric surgery attending at the hospital). We look forward to spending more time with friends now that we are settling. We'll miss Britt & James, but I'll never forget our year of survival together as fellowship wives!!

Congrats Ryan!!!!!

Big Man on Campus

Seriously, when did my baby get old enough to be a Kindergartner??

I officially registered Aidan for school in the Fall. Ryan says it'll hit me the first day of school. He thinks I'll cry. I disagree. (I didn't even cry my first day back to work from maternity leave with either of the boys. I liked going back to work part time for the adult companionship!)

Not because I'll miss him he says (haha) but because it's such a big milestone.

I guess we'll see......

It's cliche, I know.... but it just feels so unbelievable that starting this Fall he'll be in school!

The Kindergarten program here isn't quite a full day, but it's longer than a half day, so that's a lot of time poor Mason will be without his buddy. I'll be looking for a new preschool for him too now that we're getting settled, so hopefully that will help keep him from missing Aidan too much.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

Weird, I'd never have thought that I would be so upset on my Dad's Birthday with him gone.

I guess it's just weird to not call and wish him a happy birthday or to let the boys pick out a ridiculous card for him all on their own.

As hard as today is for me I can't even imagine how hard it is for my Aunt, his twin sister. I won't even get into thinking about it from her viewpoint because then I cry.

Dad & Auntie with the boys last Summer before our big move to TX

Just having celebrated their 60th Birthday last June!

I am however going to take my new neighbor Sarah's advice, and celebrate today. I'm going to celebrate Dad's birthday in his honor and that way it will always remain a special day.

Happy Birthday my dear Auntie, make sure you to go Kirby's tonight as usual!!! 

Goodbyes.....

These gift bags are all symbols of goodbyes that need to be said.

Goodbye to the teachers at the amazing preschool I found here in Pearland for Aidan when we moved, and goodbye to the teammates we had in our soccer league on the team I coached.

I knew there would be another round of goodbyes once Ryan's Fellowship was over and we settled wherever it was we were going to settle, but it's still always sad. I purposely did not seek out any friendships while we were doing Ryan's Fellowship (other than Brittany of course, because hey, us fellowship wives need to stick together!), so there wasn't really any serious goodbyes. Not like when we left PA (you can read about that here .. and grab some tissues).

In hindsight I now know we're going to be super happy in our new home, and those goodbyes weren't a big deal at all..... and our neighbors have already welcomed us to the neighborhood wholeheartedly. We even had a playdate yesterday!! I'm so exited the kids have friends right on our street now!!

We had some goodbyes, but things are going to be just fine.

Are we there yet? (Disney Dollars).

Ryan sent me this picture of Cinderella's Castle the other day and I love it. I love that my big, manly husband loves our Disney trips as much as I do! He always says "Disney does it right." 

We're seriously looking forward to our trip in the first week of July because it will be the first time we have gone as a family of four by ourselves. Last Spring we had extended family with us, and this past fall we were lucky enough to have Krysta join us in our RunDisney fun!

We know we are going during one of the busiest times of the season, with school being out and all, but that is giving us more incentive to just CHILL. We like to stay at Moderate or Deluxe resorts because we do actually like to use the amenities the resorts have to offer, you''ll never find us at the park from open til close. We like to relax instead of just run run run all day and wait in lines for rides. We enjoy the pool, and the restaurants, and all other activities (campfires, jogging trails, kids crafts, etc.)

This trip we'll be staying at the Wilderness Lodge as regular guests, we aren't using our vacation club points to book this trip. We're saving those points for our 2 upcoming Half Marathons so we can actually stay at Bay Lake Tower at Contemporary. We haven't stayed at Wilderness Lodge since our honeymoon, and it is one of our absolute favorites!! We're very excited for all the fun things they have to do there right at the resort. Plus the fact that it's gorgeous doesn't hurt either.

I'm always scouring pinterest and other blogs for new Disney inspiration, and I had seen this neat idea a couple of times floating around the internet and figured the boys were old enough to try it out.

Your kids earn Disney Dollars as a reward for whatever you choose, and you replace it later with actual cash to buy souvenirs at the parks with.

My guys have been earning them for going above and beyond around our house. I've also decided I can take them away for misbehaving.

I found the download for them here, but when I opened the file and saw the dollar increments I knew I had to change them to smaller amounts. No way was either boy going to be earning more than $1 or $5 at a time!! Yikes! $100?!?! Who made this file, someone rolling in dough? (I am actually putting a $25/each total max on their disney dollar accumulations.)

THEIR version:

MY version, photoshopped with smaller $ amounts:

I printed a few sheets, cut them out and let each of the boys decorate their own ziploc bag "bank" that is in a spot that they can reach...taped to the pantry door.

This way when they earn one, they can put it in themselves, and they love it.

So far it's been working as an awesome incentive because they are each hoping to earn enough money to buy their Duffy a new outfit at the parks!

"It'll be worth it in the end...."

Today I really miss Dad.

Some days I can truck on emotionally, and others I can't.

It probably seems weird, but the new house is really triggering my emotions with missing my Dad, and here's why. 

Being a Surgeon's wife has never been easy. Especially during 5 years of residency and this one year of Fellowship.

I spent 90% of my time being a "single mom" or a "residency widow". I did a lot on my own because I had to. I spent many nights alone because I had to. I went to birthday parties alone with 2 kids, because I had to.

I'm not complaining, it's just the way it is when your husband works 14 hour days.

Whenever I would talk to my dad I would stay upbeat, never let him see if I was frustrated with it at the time we talked...and every time Ryan's crazy schedule was brought up he would say:

"It'll be worth it in the end."

Well, now it's the end, and it has been worth it. Ryan has accepted an amazing position here in Houston, and we just bought our dream house.

But Dad's not here to see that it really was worth it, and that kills me. I want him to see that I/We survived all of Ryan's training and that he's finally an attending, and he'll be home more, and we have a great new home to finally put our roots down in. I wish he could just know that after all of it we'll be OK, in fact better than OK. We're doing great....and I just wish Dad could know.